Your Foundation of Friends
Why these friendship can bring you optimal health and happiness.
Scotty Gillette's yearly planner looks more like one belonging to a hypersocial teenager than a 74-year-old retiree. One night a month is reserved for dinner with the "Hard Core Ladies," a group of women she's known since high school. She saves a week every year to hit the ski slopes or the beach with college pals. Gillette has new friends, too — tennis friends, couples friends, and even friends who offer investment tips. "We've rejoiced at our children's weddings," she says. "And we've nursed each other through operations, divorces, and sick partners. I know they'll be there for me, no matter what."
Gillette's powerful relationships not only bring her joy — they may also increase her life span. According to a 10-year study of senior citizens in Adelaide, Australia, satisfying friendships are a greater predictor of longevity than even close family ties, and they can protect against obesity, depression, and heart disease. Here are six friends to keep on speed dial.
1. A lifelong friend
She sees past your bifocals to the art-loving, boy-crazy girl you were at 16. "These friends remind you that you are still the person you've always been," says Rebecca G. Adams, PhD, a leading friendship researcher and sociology professor at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. Longtime intimates are special, she adds: "Who else knew your family when you were growing up?" Nurture these ties by starting a members-only Web site — services such as Yahoo or Google groups are free and make it easy. Use your groups to plan vacations or share links to digital photo albums. Or keep things low tech — just stick a card in the mail now and then.
2. A new friend
Unlike old buddies, these companions have no preconceived notions about you. "As we get older, we can fall into ruts," says Pamela McLean, PhD, a psychologist in Santa Barbara, CA. "New friends ignite different kinds of thinking, fresh ways of being." What's more, they'll connect you to another network of people, says Rosemary Blieszner, PhD, a professor at Virginia Tech who has researched friendships among older women. "That can be useful if you need to change jobs or are looking for a romantic partner." Find these relationships by trying unfamiliar activities. Gillette, for instance, bonded with a new group of women when she developed a passion for the craft of rug hooking.
3. A workout friend
Experts agree that exercising — whether via walking, golfing, or Latin dancing — is one of the most important things you can do for your physical and mental health and longevity. A University of Connecticut study of 189 women ages 59 to 78 found that strong social support was key to maintaining a new exercise regimen for 1 year. If you don't have active friends nearby, find one on prevention.com/walking (click on "Find a Walking Buddy" and the link corresponding to your area). Next, set a joint goal. According to Marcia G. Ory, PhD, a researcher at Texas A&M Health Science Center, it's the best way to boost the get-healthy payoff of a workout partner, because neither of you is poking and prodding the other, which is a recipe for resentment. Train together for an event — the high of crossing the finish line in tandem can cement your friendship.
4. A spiritual friend
Being part of a spiritual community — not necessarily an organized religion — helps people stay resilient, research shows. A study from Duke University Medical Center found that people who regularly attended religious services or engaged in activities like prayer, meditation, or Bible/Gita study had a 50% lower risk of dying over a 6-year period than others of the same age and health status. That's not to say it's easy to forge a connection in a room of 300 worshippers or meditating on your own. Seek more intimate opportunities at a local church or temple: Get involved in a food drive campaign or a lecture series. Or try a neighborhood Yoga center or a community college; they often offer spiritually meaningful courses. Spiritual Friends who are really full of wisdom are real friends.
5. A younger friend
How did you write your first novel? How did you raise three teens without losing your mind? Whether she's 10 years or two generations younger, this friend really wants to know. Studies show that an essential element of a happy life is to nurture and feel useful to others — by cooking a wholesome meal, say, or passing on what you've learned through experience. For many women, that itch gets scratched by raising children. But when your kids move out, mentoring younger friends can give you that same feeling, Blieszner says. To maximize the benefits of this friendship, let advice flow in both directions. A younger confidante may be able to recommend a CD to buy for your niece — or give fresh perspective on current events.
6. A friend who can empathize
A hot flash is a little cooler, an empty nest a little less lonely, with a
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