Infidelity: No one size fits all
Infidelity. The word resounds with undertones
.And hues. Dark, pastel, fluorescent. All depending
Infidelity. The word resounds with undertones
.And hues. Dark, pastel, fluorescent. All depending
on which side of the argument you are looking at it from. It is not a neo- phenomenon, is perhaps as old as the concept of man and woman – or even woman and woman, man and man – living in social and personal commitment.
Shorn of sophistry it is called cheating. Add moral tones to it and it is adultery. All add up to the same thing – stepping out of the mental, physical, spiritual, social, even legal boundaries of a partnership. Good thing or bad?
Neither really. It all depends on the mental toughness of all parties. And what you intend to do with your infidelity. Can you live with it? Does it threaten your existent world? Do you want out of your existent world and into the new realm? Do you want to keep the two worlds well apart and live a dual life? Questions.
The easier questions to answer are those on the morality of it. Should one give in to temptation? Depends entirely on your moral fabric. Most times we erroneously categorise this fabric as moral or immoral, black or white. Face it, most of us are one or the other shade of grey. We’d probably belong to a category called amoral. In any case, morality and its forms are man-made. Man is not. And there in lies the dichotomy.
Let’s go back to the basic argument. Man is naturally not a single-mate or even a one-mate-at-a-time animal. He has been socially conditioned to accept that state of being. So wherever you are in the world, if you romped on a boat with a delectable sailing companion who is not your wife/husband/avowed, you will not make President. And if you are already President, then your callisthenics with cigars and interns will have you making a shamefaced apology to the whole world. Unfair.
It is most presumptuous when the sanctimonious declare universally that taking another partner, or even something as innocuous and ephemeral as exchanging body fluid, is detrimental to the health of an existing relationship. Or worse, detrimental to the health of society at large.
Bollywood has spent and made millions of rupees in glorifying the retribution that the adulterous must go through. Talk show hosts have spent expensive TV time in pondering that million-dollar question: “Can you be in love with two people at the same time?” Two answers to that. But, of course -- that’s how Mother Nature designed us. Or simply, what’s love got to do with it?
What are we about but an elaborate mating ritual leading up
Shorn of sophistry it is called cheating. Add moral tones to it and it is adultery. All add up to the same thing – stepping out of the mental, physical, spiritual, social, even legal boundaries of a partnership. Good thing or bad?
Neither really. It all depends on the mental toughness of all parties. And what you intend to do with your infidelity. Can you live with it? Does it threaten your existent world? Do you want out of your existent world and into the new realm? Do you want to keep the two worlds well apart and live a dual life? Questions.
The easier questions to answer are those on the morality of it. Should one give in to temptation? Depends entirely on your moral fabric. Most times we erroneously categorise this fabric as moral or immoral, black or white. Face it, most of us are one or the other shade of grey. We’d probably belong to a category called amoral. In any case, morality and its forms are man-made. Man is not. And there in lies the dichotomy.
Let’s go back to the basic argument. Man is naturally not a single-mate or even a one-mate-at-a-time animal. He has been socially conditioned to accept that state of being. So wherever you are in the world, if you romped on a boat with a delectable sailing companion who is not your wife/husband/avowed, you will not make President. And if you are already President, then your callisthenics with cigars and interns will have you making a shamefaced apology to the whole world. Unfair.
It is most presumptuous when the sanctimonious declare universally that taking another partner, or even something as innocuous and ephemeral as exchanging body fluid, is detrimental to the health of an existing relationship. Or worse, detrimental to the health of society at large.
Bollywood has spent and made millions of rupees in glorifying the retribution that the adulterous must go through. Talk show hosts have spent expensive TV time in pondering that million-dollar question: “Can you be in love with two people at the same time?” Two answers to that. But, of course -- that’s how Mother Nature designed us. Or simply, what’s love got to do with it?
What are we about but an elaborate mating ritual leading up
to the perpetuation of the race? All
Your Ad Herethe song and dance, all the laughter and tears, moments of triumph and loss, education, earning, eating, is aimed at keeping body and soul together. So that it is in mint condition to procreate. To create another generation of rulers.
The biggest achievement of the octogenarian smiling toothlessly is the generations that surround him or her on a lazy winter afternoon. That the name, the DNA lives on.
The certificates of merit have long crumbled to dust. The trophies are rusting in the back of the attic. The quick promotions, the meteoric rise up the corporate ladder, are pleasant stories of long ago. The money made has bought the trappings that allow the octogenarian to survey the brood in delight. But the delight comes from the brood, not the money.
By far, the most compelling attraction of an adulterous encounter is in the risk-taking. The adrenaline rush of not just a new experience, but the gamble of putting something important at stake. Just like the need to further the race, risk-taking comes naturally to man. Being cocooned in safe comfort is social conditioning. And very, very boring.
Similarly, what is that many-splendoured thing called love but a series of simple chemical reactions. Why do we fall out of love with one person and fall in love with another? Only because as familiarity grows, the excitement of exploration ebbs. Then you set out for a new emotional sojourn. Or don’t. And that decides what label you shall wear.
Labels of fidelity, infidelity and the like – that do not belong to that natural course of things. Tyrannical inventions that came about to straitjacket a nascent, evolving society. They even had their uses in the adolescence of the human race, when rampant hormones, not yet tempered by centuries of brow-beating, could play havoc with the order of the day.
The human race is now long in the tooth. The wisdoms gathered, the restraint and rationality, the ability to choose well, the tempering are now ingrained. Social heretics are variously called freaks, on-the-fringes, psychopaths, depending on the transgression. Infidels, both religious and social, are fit for the dogs.
Some such fringe people live in open relationships. That is going outside the marriage or commitment for sexual or emotional gratification with the knowledge and blessings of your partner. Is that infidelity?
Is the doing of it infidelity if the other party knows and endorses? Or is it only infidelity
Your Ad Herethe song and dance, all the laughter and tears, moments of triumph and loss, education, earning, eating, is aimed at keeping body and soul together. So that it is in mint condition to procreate. To create another generation of rulers.
The biggest achievement of the octogenarian smiling toothlessly is the generations that surround him or her on a lazy winter afternoon. That the name, the DNA lives on.
The certificates of merit have long crumbled to dust. The trophies are rusting in the back of the attic. The quick promotions, the meteoric rise up the corporate ladder, are pleasant stories of long ago. The money made has bought the trappings that allow the octogenarian to survey the brood in delight. But the delight comes from the brood, not the money.
By far, the most compelling attraction of an adulterous encounter is in the risk-taking. The adrenaline rush of not just a new experience, but the gamble of putting something important at stake. Just like the need to further the race, risk-taking comes naturally to man. Being cocooned in safe comfort is social conditioning. And very, very boring.
Similarly, what is that many-splendoured thing called love but a series of simple chemical reactions. Why do we fall out of love with one person and fall in love with another? Only because as familiarity grows, the excitement of exploration ebbs. Then you set out for a new emotional sojourn. Or don’t. And that decides what label you shall wear.
Labels of fidelity, infidelity and the like – that do not belong to that natural course of things. Tyrannical inventions that came about to straitjacket a nascent, evolving society. They even had their uses in the adolescence of the human race, when rampant hormones, not yet tempered by centuries of brow-beating, could play havoc with the order of the day.
The human race is now long in the tooth. The wisdoms gathered, the restraint and rationality, the ability to choose well, the tempering are now ingrained. Social heretics are variously called freaks, on-the-fringes, psychopaths, depending on the transgression. Infidels, both religious and social, are fit for the dogs.
Some such fringe people live in open relationships. That is going outside the marriage or commitment for sexual or emotional gratification with the knowledge and blessings of your partner. Is that infidelity?
Is the doing of it infidelity if the other party knows and endorses? Or is it only infidelity
if done on the sly?
Is it infidelity if you desperately want another relationship but are too timid or conscientious to do it? Or is it infidelity only when you actually get into that relationship?
Did you stray if you thought of straying? Or did you stray only when you actually did something? And then, what is that something?
Did you stray if you borrowed another shoulder to lay your troubles on? Or did you stray only when you got into bed with that shoulder?
Chances are, gather enough people around and each of those questions will be answered with a yes. So what is infidelity? Just about as many things as there are people in the debate. There is no one size that fits all.
Is it infidelity if you desperately want another relationship but are too timid or conscientious to do it? Or is it infidelity only when you actually get into that relationship?
Did you stray if you thought of straying? Or did you stray only when you actually did something? And then, what is that something?
Did you stray if you borrowed another shoulder to lay your troubles on? Or did you stray only when you got into bed with that shoulder?
Chances are, gather enough people around and each of those questions will be answered with a yes. So what is infidelity? Just about as many things as there are people in the debate. There is no one size that fits all.
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