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Being engaged is indeed a blissful time. Everybody is pampering the soon to be bride or groom, you have a legitimate excuse to shop to your heart's content, and are giddy in love. But things can get ugly if you and your fiancé cannot see eye to eye on various wedding related issues. So, set aside those boxing gloves and see how you can avoid pre-wedding fights.

Planning a wedding can be very exciting but there's a downside as well. Little things have a way of getting out of hand and blowing out of proportion. So, let's take a look at what engaged couples fight about and how these arguments can be avoided.

1. Family issues

In most South Asian cultures, people don't just marry each other. They marry into an entire family. Doing things that you don't like doing just to please your mother-in-law to be as well as the many buas, kakas, and mamas can put tremendous strain on your relationship with your fiancé. You may choose to just go along with the 'requests' or ask your fiancé to step in and put a stop to them. In either case, you're going to feel the added stress.

Solution: Instead of asking your fiancé to 'talk' to his / her mother and play mediator, it would be best if you can have a heart to heart with the person concerned. Leave your fiancé out of it unless absolutely unavoidable. Bodes well for the future too, doesn't it?

2. The dreaded guest list

"Why do the boy's side get to invite their sister's brother-in-law's in-laws when I have to leave out my friends?" asks Rohini who is getting married to Aakash in a few short weeks. Traditionally, the bride's family hosts the wedding and reception and understandably wants to keep the guest list as small as possible.

And since they cannot conceivably tell the 'ladke walas' to pare down their list, the bride's list goes on the chopping block, which eventually leads to a fight between the engaged couple.

Solution: Instead of fighting, how about asking the groom's family to keep their guests to a certain number. You never know, they might just surprise you. Alternately, both the families can share the reception costs, which would allow the couple to invite whomever they wanted. Although unheard of in the past, this is not so uncommon anymore.

Vandana A., a leading wedding planner from Saat Phere, Mumbai says that one of the top things couples fight about is the food and beverage menu for the wedding reception. The fights can get really ugly in cases where one family is vegetarian and the other non-vegetarian. Or if one family wants to serve hard drinks at the reception and the other does not.

What she suggests to her squabbling clients and which is great advice for all you engaged couples out there facing this very same problem is - Compromise.

Solution: If it does not hurt anyone's religious sentiments and is simply a matter of taste, perhaps you can compromise by having non-vegetarian food at some other wedding function (we do have many of these, don't we!?. Go with only vegetarian at the reception so everyone is happy. (Hey! It's going to cut down the budget as well.)

As far as hard drinks are concerned, have a bar in an inconspicuous location such as an adjoining hall and circulate only soft drinks throughout the reception. If this too is not acceptable, organize a separate cocktail party. Now that's a reason to be merry!

You want to go to a beach location and your fiancé wants to go to the mountains. The fight gets so terrible that you sometimes feel it's best if the two of you went separately!

Solution: Relax, try and settle on a place that both of you will enjoy. Optionally, make it one holiday you and one me. So, if the groom choose the honeymoon destination, the next time round the bride can choose where to holiday and vice versa. In any case, if all's well you're not going to be seeing much of the place on your honeymoon!

5. Giving is more satisfying than receiving

If only someone told that to the groom's family, right! But, seriously for some give and take is unavoidable at all weddings and is in fact very enjoyable too. But if at any time you feel that the demands are getting too big (and that doesn't go only for the groom's family but the bride's too), you may want to rethink the whole thing. This is one area where compromise unfortunately may lead to bigger problems later on.

Solution: Till neither family is feeling pressurized go with the flow. You definitely want to take your finance aside and discuss the matter in private if things appear to be getting out of hand.

At the end of it all, remember to keep your sense of humour and talk about whatever is bugging you. Communication is the key to your happily ever after.

 

 

 

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