Illusions In Relationships & Love
We are not victims of the world around us.
We are not victims of the world around us.
Many of us spend a great deal of time seeking love — believing what we want and need is something outside of ourselves. We continue to place expectations on others to meets these needs, and sooner or later, we become disappointed and frustrated because we don’t get what we think we want. Consequently, we often feel depressed, frustrated and in conflict. We also feel anger, and our minds become filled with unforgiving "attack" thoughts. When we
Forgetting we alone are responsible for our own peace, we conclude that whatever happens to us is caused by someone or something outside of ourselves — something "out there."
The ego’s scanning antennae.
When two people meet, they set their "antennae" flapping trying to sense what about the other is different from them. They make comparisons and form quick judgments about each others traits and appearance in order to decide if they are dealing with a potential friend or enemy. Usually we are only dimly aware of the activity of these antennae, and yet we make automatic responses based on their limited and habitual comparisons to the past. We ignore the fact that this interferes with us being able to see what is really happening now. One can still scan, but it is suggested one uses an entirely different kind of mind set. If you resolve beforehand to look only for positive traits — signs of love, gentleness and peace — we will see only innocence, not guilt.
We must learn to look at others with our heart, not our preconceived assumptions.
A fear of being "incomplete".
Any relationship based on a need or a perceived lack in oneself, is actually based on fear. What we call "love" in relationships of this kind is really the ego’s illusionary version of love, which covers up the fear we feel about our own sense of incompleteness.
Soul mate.
You’ll create only frustrations and disappointment if you allow your ego-mind to convince you that inner contentment depends on finding the one perfect person who is your "soul mate"— someone "special" on whom your entire future happiness depends.
No one thing or person on this planet is "special". All is one.
Only one true love?
Don’t fall into the trap of believing there is
Instead, try to develop the expectation that the world is full of people you can love, and who can love you — romantically or otherwise.
Half a person?
If you tell yourself you must have a relationship to make you happy, you’re already in trouble.
If you create the illusion that you’re only half a person, and you need someone to somehow help you fill in the missing half, you’re setting yourself up for a dysfunctional relationship. Your partner cannot make you feel good or guarantee your self-confidence and self-acceptance. Count yourself fortunate if your partner can do this for themselves!
Living with another’s history.
When you marry, you marry your partner’s whole history. Likewise, your partner must live with your history. The success of your relationship will depend on the depth of your understanding and acceptance through unconditional love.
It’s their business —
not yours.
The only thing that has anything to do with you is what’s going on in your head. What’s happening to the other person and what’s going on in their head is their business. If we can just learn to let things be, and pick up on what’s ours and leave what’s theirs to them, relationships will run a lot smoother.
Two into one does not go.
One of the great confusions of our society is the assumption that two people will always and forever be able to force their lives into one mould.
Hanging on.
If you find yourself hanging on to a difficult situation for the sake of someone else, you are deceiving yourself and achieving nothing.
Commitment.
Commitment to other people means seeing each person in the best possible light.
To do this, we must dismiss personal emotional reactions that might lessen enjoyment of others.
Continued >>>>>> Soulmates Relationship
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